I really wished that I did not exist before in this world. No one know when I am unwell until I seriously cannot make and went to see a doctor... What kind of family is this... Working 12hours a day for 6days a week.... And on the only rest day I still need to entertain the rubbish of you.... You are on your own business and you only work how many hours a day? 9 hours a day i am working under stress condition of result. and the other hours i am working under stressed condition of my student result... I really hope that i can find someone whom i can lean on and cry my heart out...
If it is so difficult for you then why have me in the first place... I should not even exist as I am worthless... In the eyes of my student's parents they tot i saved their child. But I feel so empty so worthless... Do I really worth staying in this world? Am i just someone extra that is wasting the resources? Wasting the food? I feel so worthless...
Maybe going to the other world like my uncle is a better choice... At certain point of time, I feel my heart ache... I really wonder is it heart attack or something serious. I would wonder if it is serious issit it good? cause this world there is nothing that i can't let go. Friends, Parents, Brothers they will live their own life sooner or later... so i am back to the empty shell... the empty shell that is alone. Being alone in this world that i still need to deal with so many stress and worries.. I must well go to the other world there might not have stress.... At least over there ppl who are once a friend rmb me...
How many times i have lapsed into the state of depression how many ppl know.... The answer is zero... I may looked normal but how much i struggled to get through did ur know it? the answer is again no... I dun feel the loved.... No one in this world loved me... so why am i in this world? Should have just take the courage and leap off a building or like others leap into the water... at least i will be in loving memory of others....
But for the time being i won't do anything like that... I need to at least finished the project on hands... TCS Finale and also my students exam.... After everything is settle by the end of the year... I would be free... free to go anywhere i want to... a vacation or find my grandma.... that will be decided when things get settled. Even if i go find my grandma i dun want to trouble anyone... So i will choose a way that will not bring others the trouble.
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