Dun see a point of staying in this world.....

Yeah, i dun see a point staying in this world it is so full of stupid ppl...
What is the point of staying alive then? Staying alive always kana command to do this do that then also kana so much stressed from study... and the worst is kana say on the out look .... i dun see a point of staying alive...

I am neither pretty nor smart so y am i in world???

why am i suffering so much??? y must i bear with so much stuff....

AT HOME:
why are you always commanding me to do housework?? yeah you are busy but i am tired after a whole day of school ... and do you know how sad i feel in school today... maths scoring below average then java getting only a B for test 2 while others getting A... and do you know how uneasy i feel... i have been having the pain due to warts and also a super bad flu la.... y are you still commanding to do so many stuff...you have never shown concern about me at all from young till now... What you are best at is to use ur mouth... from young what i heard most often is : " fat", "lazy" and "stupid" i never hear a word of appriase... others have parents with them on their grad day and a lot of them have both...or even a whole family but me? i was all alone... when it is bro's grad day what did you do? you went to buy NEW clothes and doll up urself for his grad day so what if he is uni grad and i am poly grad... what is the different?

IN SCHOOL:
today is a bad day... the date to exam keep getting closer and closer and yet i have so many stuff left undone... report to rush and java lab test again on the comming monday... this is bad la... 1 week be4 exam and i sm still rushing for reports... this is so ....
I really breakdown today as my maths i only scored B- and the average is B. I am so dam pissed with myself la... i know it is slightly below average only but then i have never never score such a low score be4 and maths is the only subject that i am good in lor... Since there is 10 to 20 ppl getting full marks then y am i only getting B- . Getting a B i will still cry de lor... cause if ppl can get full marks i should be able to at least get an A.
then the java lab i dun know what happen whether is the copying code error or what i give not robust in one of my function looking at the output file i saw error in it and then i look at lab 5 and it is perfectly normal... WTF la... then in my test i manage to do 1 qn but then now i was not even marked correct for a single 1. the one that i manage to get output was marked with MAJOR ERROR which i dam pissed off... if the program can run then is MAJOR ERROR if program cannot run how? it really pissed me off la... The i am only being given B and others that have both new function not running also B then what is the point of doing the lab test... it is so unfair lor... different class different marker so the marks given is also different... then what is the point man.... Fuck off la... Stupid lab test and marking system....

In the world :
There are so many ppl in this world so with or without me will not make a different... so y am i in this world.... i am going to suffer from 2nd attack of depression soon. And things always goes like this: 1st attack~> mild, 2nd attack ~> can kill... so dun be surprise if one day you see me walking around aimlessy and looks abnormal... you know what happen....

Results after results...

Ya! Exam is coming so all the tutors and teach all start giving back the quiz and stuff... so dam scary... the maths especially i might just break down if my score is last then 75 lor... ya i know 75 is 3 out of 4 correct but then it is already super low already... ever since my primary 3 onwards my maths have been scoring A la... it have NEVER go lower then that... Even if i forget to study for it... and this time round i took a week plus to prepare for a simple 4 qn quiz and i think i will be dam sad if i dun get 70 - 75%.

And java lab test 2.... FSP are ready for colection but not others... WT... cause FEP are those that get to do the lab test 1st and y is FSP getting the papers back earlier then us?? haiz Stupid system... zzz.....

praying hard for good results for both maths and java.....
keeping fingers crossed...

Nice Day at school

Today, me and my friends went to the sake for buffet tea time at 3pm till around 6pm.. 3 hours of fun in there... nice and fun 1st time going to sake for sushi... haha i feel that it is not bad la but some of it there is room for improvements... =)

But the environment there is good except for those stupid fellow that make a ... of themselves in there... i would say the service staff there all very service orientated which is good. I like it and best of all we are charge student price which is around 16nett but cause of the drink and stuff so ended up around 18.

1week plus more to exam i am dam worried out of the 3 papers in the 1st week 2 is i cannot make it de... hazi.... this is what happens to last min work la.... stupid java too up all my time and left me with no time for other module and now i can understand the concept of "jawa" but the other module i am dam lacking behind la.... so zz...

i got to go do my lab log book liao then hopefully tml can get down to do 101 de report and log book tidy up and get ready for submission on monday which is my last jawa lab... lol dun care liao all i can is to try my best la... then forcus on 101 then econs complete my other 6 chapters of macro part of the notes and i think should be sufficient for exam liao... jia you.... i got to have better time management.. =)

Bad flu + warts

Yup. i am down with a flu... OMG!!! at this timming haiz... so sian... tml got lab test leh... and i am in this condition... zzz

haiz... it is a bad bad flu and i went to see the doctor at AMK polyclinic today and i was like kana scared by the ppl there la... started waiting at 1pm and the time i was there is already 4pm liao that is like 3 hours of waiting... but luckily for me cause i went at 3plus and ended at 6 like that but 1 hour is spend at reg there so not counted...

but hor the doctor did not even check on me and just ask: " what wrong?, hmm ok how long already? and blah blah..." then give me some medcation... which is a bit.. i can do that over a counter as well what dun i ?

anyway dun care the cream she gave for my wart is good it reduces the pain for it... hope that the inflammation will be gone soon then i can start my stage 2 treatment... (self treatment) haha...

oh ya forget to mention lab test 3 for java is on trees hope that it is not too hard.. =) haha

Tired...

I am so dam tired and I discovered that stupid painful little humps on my thumb is actually call warts and it is harmless and will fall off naturally without medication within 2 to 6 years... which is like dam long it is something like what i have all over my hands and it is a kind of virus attack. and it is said that it is easily kana if you have a scratch or wound that is healing... so i think it is due to last time when i do soldering in office ba cause i remember i got burn and i did not take care of it cause at work ma so i just let it go under running water which i guess is a wrong choice....

and since my warts is red and painful it is advisable for me to consult a doctor... haiz... sian...
gtg and do some work i guess... bye...

Finally Java is done

Finally i have completed my java lab8 including report and readme it is ready for submission haha.... Yeah so dam happy.... next thing on the list will be 101 lab report for lab4... then my log book for 101 and 104. hazi the tutorial is like forever no time to do sia... so many things...

Time just cannot be double?? The feeling of time not enough during my working days is back... time not engough to study ... arh how i wished i have 48 hours per day...

Best of all no more java lab.... i just need 1 last report plus read me to complete my java 50% of the score to be set be4 i get into exam... so dam worried this comming thurs got my lab oral quiz... oh gosh... gtg and do my stuff... bye....

Sense of achievement

Yeah!!!

I felt a great sense of achievement today.... so happy =D
I finally get to do my java lab with my self research online and this lab is brand new not like the others where i can still depends on part of my bro coding... it is a totally different lab... i completed the 1st 2 function hopefully tml can figure out the other 2 and start my report... yahoo.....

oh ya Exam is around the corner liao so must try to rush everything out and i looking for temp job for the 5 weeks break if any of ur happens to have some lobang please recommend me... =D i need Cash.... ($_$) haha... money face... lol ....

Got to go rest now that i figure out 2 parts although i not sure correct a not la... but i feeling quite happy liao... lol.... see how ba.... Jia you....

Sweet Dreams tonight...

Econs Quiz 30%

Yeah! like what i say the economics quiz is little hope and true enough i did the quiz today and got it marked on the spot.... wow right? seeing 30% of ur exam result being marked in front of you believed me it is painfully lor... look at every cross he marks on the paper it is pain, it poke into my heart but i am at the fault as well i only spent about 3 days for study for it... haha so i am at fault.... no one to blame... lol...

anyway i guess i have to thank god for helping me as well as Shi Min to pray for us as well... Thanks a lot... cause at least i secure 19.5% out of the 30%. i know la not high but then hor should be happy for it liao ppl spent 10 weeks i only spent 3 days leh what more you expect... anyway i already S/U it, so all i need is just a C.... haha no worry be happy... get on with other subject now i guess... java lab 8 i am here... haha

Never be afraid that you cannot do a subject cause it only makes things worst... lol

Econs quiz.... little hope

Haiz having very little hope and regret for econs.... i have only study 5 chapters of it and later today the test is 10 chapters .... OMG.... I regret and hate myself for not going to lessons as well as not studying and now here i am studying what ppl took 10 weeks to study in less then 10 days ... i spent 3 days to study the econs and write out the study notes for the chapter 1 to 5 but then i still ogt 6 -10 what am i going to do??? i am dam worried...

God please help me i promised that next semester onwards i will lead a brand new uni life with a more hardworking me...I will not promised of not skipping lectures but at least those without video i will go and also even if i skip lectures i should have done self study at home rather then slack around i really regret it so much.... Hopefully this semester i can get at least a GPA of 3 i still hoping so that it gives me the drive to continue to work hard to achieve my second upper if possiable... hmmm... gtg take a nap and see if later i can squeeue in the other 5 chapter into my small mighty brain.... Jia You..... Shall update again after the quiz but no matter what the result of the quiz is, it also make me able to at least start revision for econs which is my 1st day papers... should not be depressed i hope.... keeping my fingers crossed.....

I am so depressed....

Haiz i have been reading through the economics lecture notes for the past 2 days and i finished the micro part of it but i feel that i have a mind block... i dun seems to be able to store stuff into my mind... i dun understand y? When i was in poly i can start study for the paper a 7.30am in the morning when my paper is at 8.30am.. 1 hour of study for a 40% paper....

but now it is just a small little 20MCQ qn quiz and i spent my past 2 days to study and only manage to complete half of it but then nothing seems to goes in .... Y? Y? Y? what happen????

I am sorry Fiddy

Haiz i am so sorry... i know you trying very hard to do it well and yet my words are just too harsh on you... Sorry did not really help you and yet give harsh comments... but forgive me cause yesterday when i discovered that you have hard code ur programme that time, is my sleeping hours during the weekends.... so i was feeling kinda sleepy and you know de once i start to feel tired or having insufficient sleep i will start to have headache and my mood start to swing....

Sorry Fiddy...

TTP with uni life

It is kinda wired in poly i am just so proud of myself and i lived in a life full of glory. But once i enter uni this kinda life seems to be over? I just fail to study at home. if i sit on my study chair, the old chair squeaking sound pissed me off and if i study on my bed, i am off to the "chess session" in no time... haiz i dun know what happen .... Maybe it is because life is never the same again in uni ba...

Ppl out there if you think that you are having a hard life now and you are in poly and sec. I can tell you it is nothing... although i used to think that life is worst in Sec. but now i finally understand that life i have before uni is just so good....

For those in poly, you look at ur text and tutorial and lab. you have 16weeks to do it and a few weeks break before EXAM but in uni the work load is about 2x but the time given in between each assignment is just as short as 7 working days which is kinda siao lor cause when you just completed 1 assignment the other just came banging into you...

if and only if i can survive 24/7 no sleep for 15 weeks then i think i can score in uni cause the competition is just too strong for us. too many scholar from China and India... Maybe MOE should considered converting the going to open uni into UOS Universtiy of Singapore and just open for scholars like those in our school now... Singaporean just cannot beat them... in my poly , i have this guy that came from china and guess what he holds a degree in china and in singapore he is only allowed to take Dip so for those ppl that are in uni imagine what they hold back in their country???

And these scholar just top the batch and then get a chance to study to higher level and end up teaching in uni. As a tutor and guess what uni have this problem that some tutor cannot speak proper english so if you are from their and you speak the same you might be able to understand and for ppl like us it is just so hard and unlike poly lecturers, they dun seems to be the easy to approach type other then a few.... so i predict this semester i am just going to flunk.....

Always living in regrets

That is my life... always living in regrets i really hate myself when i made up a decision and i always kinda regrets it so much after that... friends always tell me that i should never regret in life... but then i just always nob in agreement but i just could not forgive myself at times....

Life just have too many decision to make ... and as you get older the time to consider gets shorter and you need to consider more things in a short time limit.... that is TTS la...

haiz... Exam is coming and i cannot get down to revision and i am just TTP(Totally Totally Pissed) haha I found that recently i like to use TT... i found it fun and interesting ... lol

The worst part is i dun know y i just keep thinking about after exams... lol .... this is kinda siao la... i think i enjoyed my working life too much liao.... hehe =D so keep thinking of finding a job for 5 weeks during my school holidays... lol

Exam comming

Oh NO!!! Exam and quiz are all coming up... and i am so stressed and so many things to do .... arh.... what should i do i am so .....

Another day of skipping school

hmm... i have even lost count of how many days of school have i skipped already.... in 13 weeks i have lost count already. In poly days although i slack a lot but then i still attend school not like now... hmm.... it is time that i start cutting down lunch hours and spent more time studying...

Exam is just less then 30 days to go and i feel that i have lots and lots to catch up.....

Feeling so kuku

I am feeling dam kuku la.... remember guys when we are in poly we learn the circuit stuff.... those loop and nodal analysis... I totally just dun seems to remember a single thing about that.... so i am currently having a really hard time with it now..

I feel so kuku cause those Guys that go NS and back to school they seems to be able to get it but i just cannot.... lol.... feeling dam kuku..... ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Finally.....

Haha I finally get the lecture video working... lol.. it is kinda stupid... cause of my intel chip drive not up to date then cannot play the video... My friends have a 3 year old laptop is up to date enough to play it but not my 2 months old laptop... lol....

Anyway it is good that i finally get it working... haha

Okie today in school i was like in the TTL mode... haha Totally Totally Lost... lol.... Economics quiz comming up it is time i start to read through the notes liao....

hope that this semester result is not that bad then next semester i will promised to stop fooling around in lectures or infact stop going for lectures for module with lecture video... haha i found that in uni it is more of a self study so infact other then tutorials and labs and some lectures that have no videos... the rest you can just skip... even for labs like java you can just do it at home and skip the lab and ask ur buddies to sign for you... Opps... haha

A wonderful weekend???

Hmm.... that was a tricky qn...

Wonderful in the case where i completed my java lab in some sort... but not so happy in the case that i still need to be nagged and do house work...

I am running out of time for revision liao.... i really need to buck up and start all my revision liao...

Oh ya yesterday when i was with fit that time i met my ex company de cleaner. haha ya the anutie in ADC so nice... haha... but i will be even more happy if and only if it is god-father instead... haha it have been a while since we last get together... the dinner after my birthday...

I dun know y but i just hope to keep in touch. And i would like to join the company as a temp or even a perm staff after i grad but believed me it will not be long.... ADC will only be my stepping stone or maybe is just a place where i experience to be an engineer but i believed i will be the one and only female engineer there i believe... haha

Hope that i can finished my study soon and get a good job...but to join ADC a not is still an uncertain cause ADC is going to move to it's new permise by the time i grad... which means it will merge with BOSCH and therefore in a bigger company = more company .... which i dun really like... haha shall see how then but i just hope that i get a chance to work as temp during my holidays and hopefully get a 30 weeks IA there.... praying hard.... =D

Friday... Not in school

Yep i skip lesson again today cause i feel that i am super behind time and i need more time to clear my stuff rather then to go for boring lecturers where 50% of the time i spent talking to my friends.... haha

So far from noon till now i clear my java lab 7 by around 50%. which i am quite happy already at least i can start it by myself you see... haha....

okie i think i gonna eat dinner and get back to my java.... haha
Jia you.... I am picking up java 1 step at a time.... =D

Tired

I guess i am just too tired to concentrate on anything... i tired my best to concentrate on lectures but my max life spent is about1 hour so if i gave my attention to the 1st module i will lose it for my 2nd module... so what should i do? i not too sure as well.. hmm i guess i just have to keep on trying....

I dun know what happen lately that i having aches all over my body... and i eaten pain killer to stop it... but then the pain killer bring sleeping power super strong la... while at least it is able to stop the pain... haha... my advice is to eat it be4 you sleep and not like me be4 i start class.. lol ... kuku me...

I dun know if it is my school fee that is troubling daddy that he keeps on smoking and smoking and having late nights sleep and longer working hours.... hmm..... i wonders.....

Java lab test 2.

Hmm today have my java lab 2 test based on lab 2,4 &5. As usual it is add in 2 function to lab 5... but kuku me too so long to slove 1 part... then 2nd part did not manage to work it out... it is kinda kuku la maybe cause last night whole night did not sleep also thats is why i did not perform well ba.... plus my java skill still sucking thumb... lol

hmm... but i am happy enough liao cause at least i did 1 of the part... =)
this shows that my java did imporved a bit... lol

Anyway, i think it is time when i burried myself in the world of books liao... if not there is not enough time to study liao.... Jia you endure for 1 more month and i will get my free and happy me again for 5 weeks...

Sunday....

For most ppl sunday is a day of break or enjoyment.... but today i spend the day doing house work like sweeping and mopping the floor and also ironing my clothes plus changing my bedsheets...

Oh ya i did some maths tutorial as well... hmm only did 3 qn of tml tutorial... still got 1 to go but i dun know how to slove it... haha wait till tml he explain ba... =)
I still got 101 de tutorial but i have not print it out so also no mood to do it yet... lol
haiz talking about 101 i feel so sad sia... it is a module that i learn be4 but i seems to have difficulties in doing the tutorial now... they are at qn 42 liao but i only do till 22 nia.... haiz...

i still got java also ... tml is the lab test for it liao... hmm... i wonder this time round can i do it anot? cause the last lab test i could not do a single part of it and ended up with a B all thanks to bro de part 1 ... haha... this time round also got bro de part 1 but i really hope that i can do some part and at least get an A for it... then at least i can feel better... haiz....

New blogging place....

NEW blogging space...

lol... This will be my new blogging place for now... my little feeling in live journal will stay but update of my feeling will be here.... haha...

Maybe due to stressed, these few days i have not been sleeping well. I sleep and wake up, sleep and wake up or body sleeping but brain still working... makes me feel so tired the next day...

I should learn to relax like what a lot of people recommand me to but i just cannot bring myself to relax so how???

Haha i am still considering the S/U grading for my economics cause it is only 3 AU so how bad can it pull down ur GPA if you get a C? cause if you score B won't it be better to put B rather then S? hmm... trying to make up my mind... and another thing came popping... should i go for minor? it is like 4 module and you get a minor in something... interesting right? hmm.... i dun know for now i think i should just forcus and do my core 1st but S/U thinky must make up my mind before 24Oct cause it is the last day....